Well, I already broke my promise to myself by not being consistent. I'd really like to (I really need to!) keep this blog up nightly. Maybe I'm being too hard on myself? Maybe. I guess doing at least a few posts a week is better than nothing. Still, I'd like to do this every night. It's a good way to reflect on my own little life. It's a good way for me to make time for me. That's not easy to do when you are in a family of five! Luckily, I love my family of five. =)
I've been back to work now for two days. Since I love my job, it hasn't been too bad. I teach high school. Currently, I have junior English and sophomore AVID students. I've been really blessed the last few years to have really great kids. There's usually a class that I struggle with for one reason or another. Lately though, I've found myself just enjoying my kids. Thank goodness!!
The year I lost my dad was such a strange school year. I started the year on maternity leave. I'd had my son at the very end of July. When I finally started the school year, my students had been with a great sub for the first six weeks. They were established. I was not! Amazingly, God blessed me with incredible kids that year. Truly, I think that my third period that year may be my favorite class ever...so far. On January 17th of that school year (2012), I lost my dad. This was devastating on so many levels. Honestly, "devastating" doesn't cover it. I almost feel like a new word needs to be invented to cover how much it shook me. Catastrophic might work.
A really unique reason why losing my dad was so difficult is because we worked together. We taught at the same school where we'd both been students. He had taught there for 44 years. For his last several years he had only taught one class. Because he only taught one class, we were able to share a classroom. The year he died, he taught in my room during 1st period. I was part-time since I'd just had a baby. I would get to work about half-way through first and work at my desk until it was my turn to teach during 2nd through 4th periods. This meant that I'd get to observe my dad teaching. Every day. And let me tell you, my dad was no ordinary teacher. He was, no, he IS a legend. I'm not just saying that because I'm biased. Thousands of his former students and athletes would agree with me, whole-heartedly. It was an honor to get to watch him in action every day.
When he died, I wondered how I would return to work. How could I walk back into OUR classroom. He was everywhere. Paperwork on his desk, the UCLA bear on display, pictures of family and former students, his text book. Everywhere. Our district only gives us 5 days of bereavement leave. How on Earth would that be enough. It wasn't. I didn't return for three whole weeks. Even then, it was too soon. What could I do, though? I did contemplate not returning for the rest of the year. There was no way I could do that. I had a senior AVID class that year and they needed me there to see them off. We'd been together since their freshman year. They actually helped me recover. They were a great group of kids. My English classes that year were also amazing. My wonderful third period that I already mentioned, well, they made me smile. They made me laughed. They didn't flinch if I was having a bad day. I even shed some tears in front of them. Even the most immature boy in that class didn't get awkward. Instead, several of them walked up to the front of the room and enveloped me in a group hug. Just like that, I felt better in that moment.
I miss my kids when I'm at work. I really do. I ache to see them on some days. Especially the baby. It's always the most difficult to leave a baby for the first time. I miss nuzzling her little non-neck (really, babies don't have necks! They are shoulders and head). I miss her sweet smile. My job, though, my job is a blessing. It's a calling. I wouldn't trade my job for any other in the world. If I have to work (I do. =) I like our house and I want to keep it!), then I'm glad to be a teacher. There is no better job in the world.
My proud moments of the day:
1. I made dinner. Yay!
2. I played with my older daughter instead of being a total couch potato during the baby's nap.
3. I was a good teacher today.
