Summer is nearing its end (sob), and I am gearing up for a week of par-tay preparation! My bubba is turning 3 already!!! I really can't believe it. I know it's cliché, but time really does fly. It seems like yesterday that I was preparing for his birth. Now, he's a bouncing, running (sprinting!), talking, crazy, cute boy!
The theme we are running with for this party is "Mickey Mouse/ Race Cars" as requested by my boy. I'm having fun trying to marry the two themes into something sort of cohesive. Thank goodness for Pinterest! Also, thank goodness for my technologically savvy graphic arts teaching hubby. He's making a ton of signs and posters for the theme. His skills allow us to customize things to include both the Mickey theme and the race car theme. Good times.
This summer has been pretty nice. I've felt well, thank goodness. I've had lots of quality time with my kids and our no-longer-little family. We've been to the beach several times, had some day trips, and had lots of relaxation. Hopefully it'll be enough to get me through the upcoming school year!
The only hiccup, and it was a big one, was the lovely mouse that committed suicide into the fan unit of our air conditioner. Thanks to that little bugger, we were without air for two weeks during the first major heat-wave of the summer. Those were some miserable weeks, let me tell you! Luckily, my mom lives near-by and was all to happy to have us camping out at her house during the hottest parts of those days. Now, thanks to a rodent control/air quality specialist company (and a lot of my husband's hard earned summer school money), we are mouse free with a lifetime guarantee and our attic and air conditioner are good as new. Both have been sanitized to "good as new" condition. The peace of mind and working air are worth the sickening amount it took to get them.
Okay, here's my proud moments of the day:
1. I've planned and scheduled almost all of the party stuff. Now to execute everything!
2. I'm committing to healthy eating and exercising this week (now that I've told you, I have to do it, right?).
3. I wrote in my journal tonight. Yay me!
Sunday, July 20, 2014
Wednesday, June 25, 2014
Flaky
Uuuuuuuuugh! Making myself make time for my blogs shouldn't be so difficult, should it? Especially since it's summer time! My favorite time of year...
Since I'm a teacher, I get every summer off. Let me rephrase that, since I'm a teacher, and my sweet husband is willing to teach summer school to support us, I get every summer off. I'm so blessed to have a husband who values a mother's time with her children. We can't afford for me to be a full-time stay-at-home mom, but we do our best. I work part-time during the year, then get my summers free. Summer is when I get to play stay-at-home mom. It's my favorite roll. =)
Since my last post, I've come a long way. Therapy helped. So did returning to work. It also helps that we've moved out of flu season and my kids have been well for a decent stretch of time (do me a favor and knock on wood...). I feel so much more freedom now that I'm out of the incredible grip that anxiety had on me.
So, summer. I haven't done much yet. We don't have a lot of money to spend, so my choices are limited. I'm trying, though! The kids and I have gone to the park, exercised together, had a picnic in our backyard, gone to our Japanese market (yes, this is an outing for us!), spent time with my nieces, and my kids are in summer school three days a week. That helps to keep them from getting too bored!
The challenge has been with our almost three-year-old son. He is the middle child, and is playing the part very well! He is extremely smart. That sounds good, right? It is...most of the time. The down side to intelligence at such a young age is that he knows how to test boundaries. He is able to find a loop-hole in every direction that we give him! His new summer school teachers have their hands full with him. Since my husband and I have been so caught up in his naughtiness, I feel like we've gotten too negative in our dealings with him. I believe that positive reinforcement will work better for him. We just have to try and find the positives more often which can be so difficult when he's misbehaving every time we turn around!
Here is my plan - a positive incentives chart! I know, I know. It's not original at all. BUT, I really think it could work for him. I'll try to post a picture of it once it's finished. My plan is to make spots for each behavior we see repeated from him. Every time he does something good, he'll get a sticker. So many stickers equals some kind of reward. I'll let you know how it goes...
Oh! Before I forget, here are the three things I'm proud of today:
1. I did a ballet leg workout (a short one, but it's better than nothing!)
2. I counted my calories and did relatively well. It's more about being healthier than anything else.
3. I made time to snuggle with my middle child. =)
Since I'm a teacher, I get every summer off. Let me rephrase that, since I'm a teacher, and my sweet husband is willing to teach summer school to support us, I get every summer off. I'm so blessed to have a husband who values a mother's time with her children. We can't afford for me to be a full-time stay-at-home mom, but we do our best. I work part-time during the year, then get my summers free. Summer is when I get to play stay-at-home mom. It's my favorite roll. =)
Since my last post, I've come a long way. Therapy helped. So did returning to work. It also helps that we've moved out of flu season and my kids have been well for a decent stretch of time (do me a favor and knock on wood...). I feel so much more freedom now that I'm out of the incredible grip that anxiety had on me.
So, summer. I haven't done much yet. We don't have a lot of money to spend, so my choices are limited. I'm trying, though! The kids and I have gone to the park, exercised together, had a picnic in our backyard, gone to our Japanese market (yes, this is an outing for us!), spent time with my nieces, and my kids are in summer school three days a week. That helps to keep them from getting too bored!
The challenge has been with our almost three-year-old son. He is the middle child, and is playing the part very well! He is extremely smart. That sounds good, right? It is...most of the time. The down side to intelligence at such a young age is that he knows how to test boundaries. He is able to find a loop-hole in every direction that we give him! His new summer school teachers have their hands full with him. Since my husband and I have been so caught up in his naughtiness, I feel like we've gotten too negative in our dealings with him. I believe that positive reinforcement will work better for him. We just have to try and find the positives more often which can be so difficult when he's misbehaving every time we turn around!
Here is my plan - a positive incentives chart! I know, I know. It's not original at all. BUT, I really think it could work for him. I'll try to post a picture of it once it's finished. My plan is to make spots for each behavior we see repeated from him. Every time he does something good, he'll get a sticker. So many stickers equals some kind of reward. I'll let you know how it goes...
Oh! Before I forget, here are the three things I'm proud of today:
1. I did a ballet leg workout (a short one, but it's better than nothing!)
2. I counted my calories and did relatively well. It's more about being healthier than anything else.
3. I made time to snuggle with my middle child. =)
Friday, May 2, 2014
Oops
Well, I already broke my promise to myself by not being consistent. I'd really like to (I really need to!) keep this blog up nightly. Maybe I'm being too hard on myself? Maybe. I guess doing at least a few posts a week is better than nothing. Still, I'd like to do this every night. It's a good way to reflect on my own little life. It's a good way for me to make time for me. That's not easy to do when you are in a family of five! Luckily, I love my family of five. =)
I've been back to work now for two days. Since I love my job, it hasn't been too bad. I teach high school. Currently, I have junior English and sophomore AVID students. I've been really blessed the last few years to have really great kids. There's usually a class that I struggle with for one reason or another. Lately though, I've found myself just enjoying my kids. Thank goodness!!
The year I lost my dad was such a strange school year. I started the year on maternity leave. I'd had my son at the very end of July. When I finally started the school year, my students had been with a great sub for the first six weeks. They were established. I was not! Amazingly, God blessed me with incredible kids that year. Truly, I think that my third period that year may be my favorite class ever...so far. On January 17th of that school year (2012), I lost my dad. This was devastating on so many levels. Honestly, "devastating" doesn't cover it. I almost feel like a new word needs to be invented to cover how much it shook me. Catastrophic might work.
A really unique reason why losing my dad was so difficult is because we worked together. We taught at the same school where we'd both been students. He had taught there for 44 years. For his last several years he had only taught one class. Because he only taught one class, we were able to share a classroom. The year he died, he taught in my room during 1st period. I was part-time since I'd just had a baby. I would get to work about half-way through first and work at my desk until it was my turn to teach during 2nd through 4th periods. This meant that I'd get to observe my dad teaching. Every day. And let me tell you, my dad was no ordinary teacher. He was, no, he IS a legend. I'm not just saying that because I'm biased. Thousands of his former students and athletes would agree with me, whole-heartedly. It was an honor to get to watch him in action every day.
When he died, I wondered how I would return to work. How could I walk back into OUR classroom. He was everywhere. Paperwork on his desk, the UCLA bear on display, pictures of family and former students, his text book. Everywhere. Our district only gives us 5 days of bereavement leave. How on Earth would that be enough. It wasn't. I didn't return for three whole weeks. Even then, it was too soon. What could I do, though? I did contemplate not returning for the rest of the year. There was no way I could do that. I had a senior AVID class that year and they needed me there to see them off. We'd been together since their freshman year. They actually helped me recover. They were a great group of kids. My English classes that year were also amazing. My wonderful third period that I already mentioned, well, they made me smile. They made me laughed. They didn't flinch if I was having a bad day. I even shed some tears in front of them. Even the most immature boy in that class didn't get awkward. Instead, several of them walked up to the front of the room and enveloped me in a group hug. Just like that, I felt better in that moment.
I miss my kids when I'm at work. I really do. I ache to see them on some days. Especially the baby. It's always the most difficult to leave a baby for the first time. I miss nuzzling her little non-neck (really, babies don't have necks! They are shoulders and head). I miss her sweet smile. My job, though, my job is a blessing. It's a calling. I wouldn't trade my job for any other in the world. If I have to work (I do. =) I like our house and I want to keep it!), then I'm glad to be a teacher. There is no better job in the world.
My proud moments of the day:
1. I made dinner. Yay!
2. I played with my older daughter instead of being a total couch potato during the baby's nap.
3. I was a good teacher today.
I've been back to work now for two days. Since I love my job, it hasn't been too bad. I teach high school. Currently, I have junior English and sophomore AVID students. I've been really blessed the last few years to have really great kids. There's usually a class that I struggle with for one reason or another. Lately though, I've found myself just enjoying my kids. Thank goodness!!
The year I lost my dad was such a strange school year. I started the year on maternity leave. I'd had my son at the very end of July. When I finally started the school year, my students had been with a great sub for the first six weeks. They were established. I was not! Amazingly, God blessed me with incredible kids that year. Truly, I think that my third period that year may be my favorite class ever...so far. On January 17th of that school year (2012), I lost my dad. This was devastating on so many levels. Honestly, "devastating" doesn't cover it. I almost feel like a new word needs to be invented to cover how much it shook me. Catastrophic might work.
A really unique reason why losing my dad was so difficult is because we worked together. We taught at the same school where we'd both been students. He had taught there for 44 years. For his last several years he had only taught one class. Because he only taught one class, we were able to share a classroom. The year he died, he taught in my room during 1st period. I was part-time since I'd just had a baby. I would get to work about half-way through first and work at my desk until it was my turn to teach during 2nd through 4th periods. This meant that I'd get to observe my dad teaching. Every day. And let me tell you, my dad was no ordinary teacher. He was, no, he IS a legend. I'm not just saying that because I'm biased. Thousands of his former students and athletes would agree with me, whole-heartedly. It was an honor to get to watch him in action every day.
When he died, I wondered how I would return to work. How could I walk back into OUR classroom. He was everywhere. Paperwork on his desk, the UCLA bear on display, pictures of family and former students, his text book. Everywhere. Our district only gives us 5 days of bereavement leave. How on Earth would that be enough. It wasn't. I didn't return for three whole weeks. Even then, it was too soon. What could I do, though? I did contemplate not returning for the rest of the year. There was no way I could do that. I had a senior AVID class that year and they needed me there to see them off. We'd been together since their freshman year. They actually helped me recover. They were a great group of kids. My English classes that year were also amazing. My wonderful third period that I already mentioned, well, they made me smile. They made me laughed. They didn't flinch if I was having a bad day. I even shed some tears in front of them. Even the most immature boy in that class didn't get awkward. Instead, several of them walked up to the front of the room and enveloped me in a group hug. Just like that, I felt better in that moment.
I miss my kids when I'm at work. I really do. I ache to see them on some days. Especially the baby. It's always the most difficult to leave a baby for the first time. I miss nuzzling her little non-neck (really, babies don't have necks! They are shoulders and head). I miss her sweet smile. My job, though, my job is a blessing. It's a calling. I wouldn't trade my job for any other in the world. If I have to work (I do. =) I like our house and I want to keep it!), then I'm glad to be a teacher. There is no better job in the world.
My proud moments of the day:
1. I made dinner. Yay!
2. I played with my older daughter instead of being a total couch potato during the baby's nap.
3. I was a good teacher today.
Wednesday, April 30, 2014
A New Chapter
Yesterday wasn't the easiest day. I mean, nothing major happened. Everyone was healthy. It was just one of those days. I woke up grumpy (lack of sleep anyone?), it was really hot, and my hubby didn't get home until 9 PM. Looooooong day!
Another thing that was weighing on me was that it was my last day of maternity leave where I had my two older kids in school at the same time. You see, my daughter is in first grade. During my maternity leave, that means I've had one less kid during each week day (unless she was sick, which was often this winter). My son, the middle child, is in preschool two days a week. So, every Tuesday and Thursday when the kids were healthy, I got three hours to spend with just my newborn. Those hours were absolutely precious. I know it sounds Hallmark cheesy, but I truly cherished those hours. I could stare into her eyes, snuggle her sweet neck and cheeks, and just hold her without interruption. With her being the third child, moments like that are not easy to come by. Usually, I'm balancing her on one arm while making a snack or helping with homework, or corralling a two-year-old with the other.
I tried to soak in every moment of alone time yesterday with my baby. I picked up a yummy breakfast after we dropped off my son. Once I got home, I settled into my favorite chair with my Boppy, my baby, and my breakfast. I savored my food while I nursed my sweet girl. Then, I let her fall asleep in my arms for quite a while and just enjoyed feeling her warm weight against me. Typically, I'd try to get her in her swing or bed while she napped so I could do laundry. Not yesterday, though. I just held her.
The rest of the day wasn't overly eventful. Once I picked up my son, the normal routine took over. Snack for him, pick up my daughter, snack for her, dance class, baths, dinner, bed. The whole day was constantly covered by the gray cloud that is my inevitable return to work.
I'll be back in my classroom with my high schoolers on Thursday. I love my job. I really love my students this year. A part of me is anxious to get back to them and see them off for the summer. Mostly, though, I am dreading leaving my baby behind. Sigh. Oh well. Until my we win the lotto, work will be a part of my life until I retire.
Here are my three proud moments from yesterday:
1. I let myself relax and enjoy Zoey Bug.
2. I managed to vacuum the dining room.
3. After being grumpy in the morning, I calmed down and was back to my nice self by the time my older kids were home.
Another thing that was weighing on me was that it was my last day of maternity leave where I had my two older kids in school at the same time. You see, my daughter is in first grade. During my maternity leave, that means I've had one less kid during each week day (unless she was sick, which was often this winter). My son, the middle child, is in preschool two days a week. So, every Tuesday and Thursday when the kids were healthy, I got three hours to spend with just my newborn. Those hours were absolutely precious. I know it sounds Hallmark cheesy, but I truly cherished those hours. I could stare into her eyes, snuggle her sweet neck and cheeks, and just hold her without interruption. With her being the third child, moments like that are not easy to come by. Usually, I'm balancing her on one arm while making a snack or helping with homework, or corralling a two-year-old with the other.
I tried to soak in every moment of alone time yesterday with my baby. I picked up a yummy breakfast after we dropped off my son. Once I got home, I settled into my favorite chair with my Boppy, my baby, and my breakfast. I savored my food while I nursed my sweet girl. Then, I let her fall asleep in my arms for quite a while and just enjoyed feeling her warm weight against me. Typically, I'd try to get her in her swing or bed while she napped so I could do laundry. Not yesterday, though. I just held her.
The rest of the day wasn't overly eventful. Once I picked up my son, the normal routine took over. Snack for him, pick up my daughter, snack for her, dance class, baths, dinner, bed. The whole day was constantly covered by the gray cloud that is my inevitable return to work.
I'll be back in my classroom with my high schoolers on Thursday. I love my job. I really love my students this year. A part of me is anxious to get back to them and see them off for the summer. Mostly, though, I am dreading leaving my baby behind. Sigh. Oh well. Until my we win the lotto, work will be a part of my life until I retire.
Here are my three proud moments from yesterday:
1. I let myself relax and enjoy Zoey Bug.
2. I managed to vacuum the dining room.
3. After being grumpy in the morning, I calmed down and was back to my nice self by the time my older kids were home.
Monday, April 28, 2014
Helping Myself
It's time to revisit this page. I need an outlet. I need to find a way to help myself get better. I need to be better so that I can be healthier, more present, more...everything. Maybe journaling on this blog will help me get there.
It's been an interesting year, to say the least. In the midst of moving forward with my life after losing my dad, I found out I was pregnant with our third child. I can't lie, I was surprised. Wait, that's an understatement. I was SHOCKED!!! I'll spare you the details, but a third pregnancy was not planned, and for many reasons, defied all odds. With my first two pregnancies, I was waiting to announce it as soon as I hit the 12 week mark. I carried our secret excitedly wanting nothing more than to shout it from the rooftops. This third pregnancy, however, was easily kept a secret. I was not excited. I did not feel the need to share the news. That sounds cruel, I know. The entire time I knew that I would love my baby. I knew that I'd never be able to imagine life without him or her once the child was born. I'm a planner, you see. If ever there was something that needed to be planned (in my mind) it would be a baby. Not being able to plan something so life-altering affected me deeply.
Fast-foward to January of 2014. I, very excitedly, gave birth to our third child, a daughter named Zoey Violet. She was perfection and I fell in love immediately, of course! My 3 days in the hospital with her was nearly magical (despite the recovery from a third c-section). Just like with my first two births, I cherished my time in that little room. My amazing nurses took such good care of me. I felt spoiled. I was able to just focus on bonding with my baby. There were no responsibilities whatsoever. I was always sad on my last day. It was always nice to come home, sleep in my own bed, be with my family, but I missed my little cocoon in the hospital.
One major difference this time is that almost as soon as I got home, my son caught the flu. He was extremely ill (yes, we immunize) for an entire week. Once he recovered, my daughter fell ill. She recovered...and my infant got sick. Any parent knows that a sick newborn is scary. We nearly had to make a trip to the ER in the middle of the night. While she was still sick, my son got sick again. It became a cycle. One would recover, only for the other older child to get a new illness. This wasn't just a simple cold either. We had the flu, stomach flu, sinus infections accompanied by migraines, etc, etc, etc...It truly felt never-ending!
Thanks to this "plague" visiting our house while I was trying to recover from major surgery, was extremely sleep-deprived, and had raging hormones, I fell into a pretty deep depression. Along with the depression came major anxiety. If my kids were well for a day or two, I was constantly on edge. I was just waiting for one to get sick again and I was so worried about protecting my infant.
I am grateful to have an incredible Ob-Gyn, Dr. Rose. She is truly supportive and referred me to a therapist as she handed me a note to extend my maternity leave. I'd been off for 8 weeks and my kids had been sick for all but 5 days the entire time. I couldn't imaging going back to work without having any true time to just relax and enjoy my new baby.
Now, I'm finally returning to work. I'm not ready, but I don't think I'll ever be. I have to do it though.
So, here I am. Two days from going back to work. Still battling depression and filled with anxiety. I've had a few sessions with my therapist. I really like her and she seems to be helping. Once suggestion was to journal. Another was to think of three things that I am proud of every day. Ready?
1. I started this blog again to try to help myself.
2. I cooked a good dinner.
3. I felt like an adequate mom.
Some days my proud list will be more significant, some days less. Either way, I'll be happy just to find three things.
Thanks for reading. Maybe you'll find that we have something in common?...
It's been an interesting year, to say the least. In the midst of moving forward with my life after losing my dad, I found out I was pregnant with our third child. I can't lie, I was surprised. Wait, that's an understatement. I was SHOCKED!!! I'll spare you the details, but a third pregnancy was not planned, and for many reasons, defied all odds. With my first two pregnancies, I was waiting to announce it as soon as I hit the 12 week mark. I carried our secret excitedly wanting nothing more than to shout it from the rooftops. This third pregnancy, however, was easily kept a secret. I was not excited. I did not feel the need to share the news. That sounds cruel, I know. The entire time I knew that I would love my baby. I knew that I'd never be able to imagine life without him or her once the child was born. I'm a planner, you see. If ever there was something that needed to be planned (in my mind) it would be a baby. Not being able to plan something so life-altering affected me deeply.
Fast-foward to January of 2014. I, very excitedly, gave birth to our third child, a daughter named Zoey Violet. She was perfection and I fell in love immediately, of course! My 3 days in the hospital with her was nearly magical (despite the recovery from a third c-section). Just like with my first two births, I cherished my time in that little room. My amazing nurses took such good care of me. I felt spoiled. I was able to just focus on bonding with my baby. There were no responsibilities whatsoever. I was always sad on my last day. It was always nice to come home, sleep in my own bed, be with my family, but I missed my little cocoon in the hospital.
One major difference this time is that almost as soon as I got home, my son caught the flu. He was extremely ill (yes, we immunize) for an entire week. Once he recovered, my daughter fell ill. She recovered...and my infant got sick. Any parent knows that a sick newborn is scary. We nearly had to make a trip to the ER in the middle of the night. While she was still sick, my son got sick again. It became a cycle. One would recover, only for the other older child to get a new illness. This wasn't just a simple cold either. We had the flu, stomach flu, sinus infections accompanied by migraines, etc, etc, etc...It truly felt never-ending!
Thanks to this "plague" visiting our house while I was trying to recover from major surgery, was extremely sleep-deprived, and had raging hormones, I fell into a pretty deep depression. Along with the depression came major anxiety. If my kids were well for a day or two, I was constantly on edge. I was just waiting for one to get sick again and I was so worried about protecting my infant.
I am grateful to have an incredible Ob-Gyn, Dr. Rose. She is truly supportive and referred me to a therapist as she handed me a note to extend my maternity leave. I'd been off for 8 weeks and my kids had been sick for all but 5 days the entire time. I couldn't imaging going back to work without having any true time to just relax and enjoy my new baby.
Now, I'm finally returning to work. I'm not ready, but I don't think I'll ever be. I have to do it though.
So, here I am. Two days from going back to work. Still battling depression and filled with anxiety. I've had a few sessions with my therapist. I really like her and she seems to be helping. Once suggestion was to journal. Another was to think of three things that I am proud of every day. Ready?
1. I started this blog again to try to help myself.
2. I cooked a good dinner.
3. I felt like an adequate mom.
Some days my proud list will be more significant, some days less. Either way, I'll be happy just to find three things.
Thanks for reading. Maybe you'll find that we have something in common?...
Tuesday, February 26, 2013
How does one "move on" after the loss of a loved one? Is it possible to just continue living? I guess it has to be possible. I'm still here. I'm still breathing. I'm still living my life. I continue to be a wife to Drew, be a mother to my daughter and son, be a teacher to my students...yet...am I really moving on? I don't know.
So, what am I hoping to accomplish by starting this blog? I suppose that I'm not sure. Strange, right? I'm writing it and posting it, but I don't really know what the end goal is supposed to be. Maybe I hope to help myself by journaling. That would be good. In the process, perhaps others may come to read this and be comforted. Maybe they will be dealing with similar loss. That would be nice, too.
I guess we shall see...
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